1. |
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Had a great cow and his name was Dan
but it's all according to the master plan
I keep a good cow as long as I can,
but he's gonna end up in my frying pan.
Cause I'm a cowboy. I'm a cowboy
A life I think is pretty neat
I'm a cowboy, I'm a cowboy
cows are what I eat.
Had a great cow and his name was Clyde
a cow that I befriended
and though I had him chicken-fried,
no disrespect intended.
Cause, I'm a cowboy. I'm a cowboy
A life I think is pretty neat
I'm a cowboy, I'm a cowboy
cows are what I eat.
I knew trouble well when I was young
and all the trouble trouble brung.
Once or twice almost got hung
My life was headed South.
'Til I cowboyed up on my two feet
found the thing that can't be beat,
a half a pound of brisket
headed straight for my mouth.
Had a great cow and her name was Sue
a pure bred standard setter
And though she was good company,
as a ribeye she was better.
I'm a cowboy. I'm a cowboy
A life I think is pretty neat
I'm a cowboy, I'm a cowboy
cows are what I eat.
I'm a cowboy. I'm a cowboy
And sometimes life just isn't fair
I'm a cowboy, I'm a cowboy
A great friendship with a cow .....is "rare".
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2. |
Congressman
02:27
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I'm a liar I'm a cheater I'm a fraud
I'm a weasel I'm a buzzard I'm a dawg
I'm always your friend, but I'm always for sale
I'm a skunk, so don't get too close to my tail
I'm a lizard, I'm a worm, I'm a snake
I'll blow all the the smoke you can take.
I eat fancy food. I have lots of fun.
I am your Congressman.
Our fashion is always in style
No matter which side of the aisle
We're all lookin' good cause our wallets are fat.
You and our lobbyists take care of that
I'm a badger, I'm a bobcat, I'm a bear
If you're sufferin', I really don't care.
My secretary is pretty and pretty much fun.
I am your Congressman
I am your noble and steadfast and genuine
servant, a patriot, straight through and through.
Power and ego and kickbacks don't matter.
If you believe that, got some swampland for you.
I am from the north and the south.
I talk out both sides of my mouth.
I spoke out for justice already lost.
I spoke out for ethics, but my fingers were crossed.
I'm a phony I'm a fibber I'm a cheat
And pork is my favorite meat
So keep sending your money, cause your money is fun
I am your Congress...
I am your Congress...
I am your Congressman.
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3. |
She's Mine
02:06
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Twenty women left me
and twenty times I've cried.
Twenty said they loved me,
but those twenty women lied.
But now I've found my true love
and there's one thing that I know.
This one's goin' nowhere
she's got no place else to go.
She's mine, all mine.
Nobody else wants her,
she's mine.
Some say I could do better,
but I think I'm doin' fine
Nobody else wants her, she's mine.
She don't cook, she don't sew.
She don't brush or comb her hair.
I ask her why. She don't know.
She don't really seem to care
Her looks ain't got no cure.
She's no social butterfly.
I ask her why. She ain't sure.
Yep, I'm a lucky guy.
She's mine, all mine.
Nobody else wants her,
she's mine.
Some say I could do better,
but I think I'm doin' fine
Nobody else wants her, She's mine.
Twenty women left me
and twenty times I've cried.
Twenty said they loved me,
but those twenty women lied.
But now I've found my true love
and I know our love is true
I'm not all that much
but I'm the best that she can do.
So she's mine, all mine.
Nobody else wants her,
she's mine.
Some say I could do better,
but I think I'm doin' fine
Nobody else wants her, She's mine.
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4. |
Can't Shoot A Preacher
01:48
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Well my preacher told me
back when I was only three
that I'uz gonna burn in hell
if I didn't mind my P's
and Q's. Had a nighmare
then a million more,
now I can't hardly tolerate
preachers anymore
But you can't shoot a preacher
You can't shoot a preacher
You can't shoot a preacher
or you're gonna go to jail
Can't shoot a preacher
Can't shoot a preacher
Listen up close and
hear my tale.
Well I was in a fix
back when I was only six
My preacher told me that
I was full of sin
the fires of hell
are lickin' my bones
and the devil's got my number
and he's on the phone.
But you can't shoot a preacher
Can't shoot a preacher
Can't shoot a preacher
or you're gonna go to jail
Can't shoot a preacher
Can't shoot a preacher
So listen up close.
Hear my tale
Well my preacher got mean
when I turned thirteen.
Said it was obscene just
what was on my mind.
Young boys are
one of a kind.
Now, on my way to hell
I was gonna go blind,
But you can't shoot a preacher
Can't shoot a preacher
Can't shoot a preacher
or you're gonna go to jail
Can't shoot a preacher
Can't shoot a preacher
Listen up close and
hear my tale.
Well my preacher told me
when I turned twenty three
That he needed all my money
or hell was gonna swallow me
by now I was
havin' some doubt
but I give him all my money
till my money ran out
So I shot me a preacher
I shot me a preacher
Shot me a preacher
and I'm sittin in jail
Shot me a preacher
Shot me a preacher
I didn't kill him dead,
just shot him in the tail.
Well my preacher told me
back when I was only three
that I'uz gonna burn in hell
if I didn't mind my P's
and Q's. Had a nighmare
then a million more
now I can't hardly tolerate
preachers anymore.
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5. |
Drug Commercials
02:14
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EVERYDAY I SEE A MILLION DRUG COMMERCIALS
WITH ALL THE PRETTY PILLS THAT I CAN PICK
BUT THOSE PEOPLE THAT I SEE IN DRUG COMMERCIALS
HOW COME THOSE PEOPLE NEVER LOOK LIKE THEY ARE SICK
THEY TELL ME IT'S A MIRACLE OF SCIENCE
THEY TELL ME I SHOULD TAKE A PILL AND SEE
BUT WHEN THEY TELL ME THAT THIS PILL WILL MAKE ME HEALTHY
WHY DOES THE WARNING LABEL SAY THEY'RE KILLIN' ME.
DON'T TAKE THIS PILL IF YOU DRINK ALCOHOL
YOUR LIVER MAY JUST QUIT
OR IF YOU KILL YOUR FAMILY IN A HOMICIDAL FIT
IF YOU GET BLURRY VISION OR BITE YOUR TONGUE IN TWO
ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO FIND OUT IF THIS PILL IS RIGHT FOR YOU
EVERYDAY I SEE A MILLION DRUG COMMERCIALS
AND IT'S PLAIN TO SEE THOSE PEOPLE REALLY CARE
THEY CLEARLY DON'T WANT ME TO HAVE A SEIZURE
OR TO GO TO THE BATHROOM WHEN THERE IS NO BATHROOM THERE.
THE DRUG CORPORATIONS ARE OUR SAVIORS
WITH THE PILLS THEY SAY WILL KEEP US SAFE FROM HARM
AND I KNOW THAT I CAN ALWAYS GET A REFILL
IF I TAKE A SECOND MORTGAGE ON THE FARM
DON'T TAKE THIS PILL WITH BIG MACHINERY
OR JUST BEFORE A SWIM
OR IF RASHES POP UP WHERE YOURE NOT EXPECTING THEM
IF YOU COME DOWN WITH COMPLETELY UNFAMILIAR DEJA VU,
ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO FIND OUT IF THIS PILL IS RIGHT FOR YOU
AND IF YOUR DRUGS SHOULD BRING YOU TO AN UNTIMELY END
JUST TRY TO REMEMBER, THE FDA's YORE FRIEND.
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6. |
You Stole My Horse
02:19
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YOU STOLE MY HORSE
AND WHAT'D I DO, OF COURSE
I SHOT YOU DEAD AND YOU AIN'T NEVER
COMIN' BACK NO MORE
WITH A HUNTIN' DOG AT MY SIDE
I TRACKED DOWN YOUR OLD SORRY HIDE
AND INTRODUCED YOU TO
MY COLT FORTY FOUR.
SOMEBODY ONCE SAID
YOU'LL BE A LONG TIME DEAD
AND WE MAY FIND OUT
BECAUSE MY AIM WAS TRUE.
INTO THE FUTURE I RIDE
AND I'LL BE SATISFIED
THAT IF SOMEBODY STEALS MY HORSE,
IT WON'T BE YOU.
YOU STOLE MY HORSE
AND WHAT'D I DO, OF COURSE
I SHOT YOU DEAD AND YOU AIN'T NEVER
COMIN' BACK NO MORE
WITH A SADDLE THAT WAS ALMOST NEW
THAT I WAS KINDA PARTIAL TO
THAT'S JUST ONE MORE REASON YOU
ARE COLD ON THE FLOOR..
SOMEBODY ONCE SAID
YOU'LL BE A LONG TIME DEAD
AND WE MAY FIND OUT
BECAUSE MY AIM WAS TRUE.
INTO THE FUTURE I RIDE
AND I'LL BE SATISFIED
THAT IF SOMEBODY STEALS MY HORSE,
IT WON'T BE YOU.
YOU STOLE MY HORSE
AND WHAT'D I DO, OF COURSE
I SHOT YOU DEAD AND YOU AIN'T NEVER
COMIN' BACK NO MORE
IT WASN'T JUST THAT HORSE OF MINE
MY WIFE WAS ON HIM AT THE TIME
THAT WAS A WHOLE NOTHER CRIME
IN CASE YOU'RE KEEPIN' SCORE
SOMEBODY ONCE SAID
YOU'LL BE A LONG TIME DEAD
AND WE MAY FIND OUT
BECAUSE MY AIM WAS TRUE.
INTO THE FUTURE I RIDE
AND I'LL BE SATISFIED
THAT IF SOMEBODY STEALS MY HORSE,
IT WON'T BE YOU.
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7. |
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I'm at home here on the range
and darlin' ain't it strange
how we country folks never get enough
We plant and plow all day
and we know that it won't pay
This country livin' shor gets tough
While ridin' I got throwed
and I got cows out in the road
my chickens they just won't lay'
While drivin' through the muck
I got my tractor stuck
This has been one hell of a day;
Sittin by the horse trough
tryin' to pull my boots off
feelin' a little bit blue
You say you're tired, big deal
all I want to do is steal
five minutes of whoopie with you.
Coyotes got my hogs
'Got poison ivy haulin' logs
It got to a hundred and seven
The bugs I thought I killed
are leavin' nothing in the field
This ain't my idea of heaven.
Sittin by the horse trough
tryin' to pull my boots off
feelin' a little bit blue
You say you're tired, big deal
all I want to do is steal
five minutes of whoopie with you.
My best hay barn caught fire
Got my ass hung in barbed wire
The gray mare she threw a shoe
Got snake bit choppin' wood
So honey if I could I'd like to
get down with you.
Sittin by the horse trough
tryin' to pull my boots off
feelin' a little bit blue
You say you're tired, big deal
all I want to do is steal
five minutes of whoopie with you.
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8. |
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My cousin married a chicken
His folks ain't sayin' a word.
Got five hundred ninety six kinfolk,
but none of them married a bird.
He says, it's just platonic,
but he married her just the same..........
Not sure just what he said to make
that poultry take his name.
So I guess technically by marriage
that chicken is my cousin
and I ain't exactly thrilled
with what this does to me.
If your cousins marry chickens
they should have to get permission
fore you wake up with a bunch of chickens
up your family tree.
My cousin married a chicken
His folks ain't sayin' a word.
The town is full of gossip
cause everyone has heard.
They're asking me this question
that makes me wanna hide.........
Do I like my second cousins
scrambled, poached or fried?
I can't have a chicken for a cousin
and still call myself a man
so I stayed up late last night
and I hatched myself a plan
Gonna go down to that henhouse,
but I won't need a gun.
I'll just bust the locks, call up a fox
and call that chicken done.
My cousin married a chicken
His folks have disappeared
Turns out my cousin's just as crazy
as we all had feared.
There's still unanswered questions
and I'm not placin' blame........
But I still wonder what he said to make
that poultry take his name.
I still wonder what he said to make
that poultry take his name.
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9. |
Feel A Little Guilty
02:38
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I WOKE UP THIS MORNING FEELING LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS.
I WAS LOVIN' LIFE AND IN CONTROL AND FEELING VERY TOLERANT
OF CHILDREN SCREAMING THROUGH THE HOUSE AND SPONGEBOB IN MY HEAD.
I WAS CERTAIN EVERYTHING IN LIFE WAS GOOD.
I DRESSED GOT THE PAPER GOT MY MORNING CUP OF TEA.
I KICKED BACK GRINNIN' THINKIN' JUST HOW GREAT THIS DAY WOULD BE.
CLIMBED INTO MY CHEVROLET, BACKED OUT AND LOOKED BOTH WAYS
AND PROMPTLY FLATTENED OUT MY NEIGHBORS CAT.
NOW I FEEL A LITTLE GUILY, YEAH I FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY
YEAH I'M FEELIN' LITTLE BIT GUILTY TODAY,
BUT NOT MUCH, BUT NOT MUCH.
NEVER LIKED THAT CAT MUCH ANYWAY,
BUT I STILL FEEL A LITTLE BIT GUILTY TODAY,
BUT I'M SURE WITH A LITTLE TIME IT'LL GO AWAY.
THINGS WERE KIND OF SLOW AT WORK. RAN OUT OF THINGS TO DO
SO WE WENT AHEAD TO LUNCH, BUT I CAME BACK A LITTLE BLUE.
IT WASN'T ABSOLUTE TO ME, BUT I WAS PERTY SURE
THAT PIZZA WASN'T ON MY SCARSDALE DIET.
SO I FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY, YEAH I FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY.
YEAH I'M FEELIN' LITTLE BIT GUILTY TODAY,
BUT NOT MUCH, BUT NOT MUCH.
I'M ONLY 48 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT.
BUT I STILL FEEL A LITTLE BIT GUILTY TODAY,
BUT I'M SURE WITH A LITTLE TIME IT'LL GO AWAY.
MY WIFE AND I WILL LEAVE TONIGHT ON SEPARATE VACATIONS.
WE GO SEPARATELY BECAUSE IT'S GOOD FOR MARITAL RELATIONS.
SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GO, TOLD ME TO MAKE THE PLANS.
BY MORNING I'LL BE STRETCHED OUT IN CANCUN.
AND I FEEL A LITTLE GUILY, YEAH I FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY.
SHE THINKS THAT KILLEEN IS BY THE SEA.
BUT NOT MUCH, BUT NOT MUCH.
SHE'LL THINK IT'S A CLASSY PLACE TO BE.
BUT I STILL FEEL A LITTLE BIT GUILTY TODAY,
BUT I'M SURE WITH A LITTLE TIME IT'LL GO AWAY.
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